Slumdog Millionaire (2008, Danny Boyle)

Winner of 8 Oscars at the 2009 ceremony, Danny Boyle's Slumdog Millionaire deserved not only none of the awards it received but also none of the tons of accolades that rained down upon it.

It won best picture, something that the Academy tends to fall flat on their face in regards to handing the award out to films that do not deserve any kind of recognition; they saved a little face last year with No Country For Old Men, but now their hands are stuck in the cookie jar, and this cookie jar is filled with shit and menstrual blood. The film that should have been given the award, but wasn't even nominated, was:

But personal preferences aside, Slumdog is still a retched pile of cinema, on par with E.T. or Fight Club. It's pandering to the audience is so sickening that it makes Amelie look subtle and intelligent; it's editing and cinematography are so lazy and obvious that it's downright offensive; and let's talk about the subtitles; why are they done the way they were done? More pandering to the idiot masses who hate to look down a bit at the screen to read what was just said in a language they didn't understand, so hey, put it in the shot.

Boyle is a hit and miss film maker, there's no question about it; his claim to fame, more or less, was Trainspotting, which is a forgettable film full of cliche and mundane characters; 28 Days Later works, but only to an extent, and is nowhere near a masterpiece. Everything else the man's done has been completely forgettable and bland; he's, in a sense, Britian's Spielberg; predictable, safe, pandering and heartless cinema for the award shows; look at something so coated in sweet like Millions for more obvious proof that the man should be blacklisted from film making.

More on the film; the characters are people I could never care about at all in any way, shape or form whatsoever. You're supposed to cheer for Jamal, but all the time I never felt like I was on his side, or even remotely sympathetic towards him, the only thing I cheered for was when the film ended.

I'd write more, but what's the use going on and on about a film you loathe?

GRADE: F